Posted on by Regalado, Bonnie

To you, with Love.

a collection of letters i wrote to my first set of students. this was my goodbye to them On the last day of school.

Dear 6th period,

Where can I even start?

I first opened my class during lunch my first month and not a single student showed.

However, that soon changed when the first students to come into this class, were some of you.

For that, I thank you.

I always aspired to be those teachers who share a strong bond with their students, and often times I doubted I could ever be that.

But, it was this very period who showed me otherwise.

I have shared my life with you, because I trust that you will look at me and remember that despite the circumstances life may bring you, you still have an opportunity to persevere. To take those hardships and push through it all!

Teaching isn’t easy, but you know what else isn’t easy? Saying good bye.

I wish I could have been here first semester because the amount of growth I’ve seen just 6 months with you, has been such an honor to see.

I first heard of this period from the previous teacher, and she warned me. It saddens me she didn’t get to see how truly wonderful you all are.

But then again, this wouldn’t be my classroom if things didn’t work out the way they did.

I believe that things happen for a reason, and I was placed here to meet you.

You have helped me in so many ways.

I can only hope I have helped you too.

Dear 7th period,

This has been a very interesting class. Wave of emotions, a whole lot of scolding, and most importantly, an abundance of laughs.

It hasn’t been easy taking over mid year, but I am glad that I did! You have all taught me a valuable lesson, and that is to give people chances.

To look beyond the silly antics, and get to know someone for who they are.

I’d like to thank you for showing me that student and teacher bonds don’t only occur with those A students, and that ultimately grades don’t define character.

Perhaps just maybe my favorite students are in this class.

I’d be lying if I said I won’t miss you, because I will.

I hope you move onto your next chapter and bring this much laughter to those you cross paths with.

Remember there is always a time and place to be silly and there’s a time to stay focused and work hard towards your goals.

I hope you all the best.

I’ll be down the street if you ever need words of encouragement or if you ever want to share a little laugh.

Dear 5th period,

We can all agree that this year has been quite awkward, due to the fact that I wasn’t your teacher from the very beginning . I struggled to get you to talk, and I often questioned if teaching was a good fit for me.

I can say this now, but I cried a lot.

Being an educator also means you are a life long learner. This means you should always approach things with an open heart and mind.

It wasn’t until then, that I began to understand what it truly means to be a teacher. Sometimes you just have to let kids be kids, and share a laugh with them. For that, I thank you. I’d like to thank you for the days you made me laugh even when I felt defeated.

Regardless if you passed my class or not, I never let your grades dictate what I thought of you. In fact, I wish some of you can see how special you are to me.

All the times I yelled, or kept you in for the five longest minutes of your life during lunch, wasn’t because I disliked you, it was because you were robbing yourself from an experience some people don’t get to have.

I know some of you may be going through a rough time, and I can only wish I can say the words to make it all disappear. I can assure you that it can get better. Keep pushing. Keep thriving. Keep smiling. Even when you feel like giving up.

Good luck on your new endeavors.

Always remember that I am always rooting for the underdog because I was once the underdog too. I wouldn’t have gotten this far if someone didn’t believe in me. I hope you know I believe in you too.

Dear 3rd period,

As the last day of school has made its way, you are all here today concluding one chapter of your life and moving onto the next.

It may be scary, and you may even fail at times but the most important part is how you handle those failures. Will they define you? Or will they serve as a lesson of resilience and strength.

My journey hasn’t been an easy one, and at some point in my life I felt I would never get to where I am today. If I had given up on myself at my lowest and darkest moment, I would have never met my first class.

I want to thank you for being such a wonderful group of students. You have shown me how genuine you all are in a world where people are constantly being judged by what they like, how they look, and how they speak. I think of 8th grade me and I wish I could have been just as brave and just as bold.

I hope you walk out of here today just as proud of yourself as I am of you.

I hope you look back at your 8th grade year and remember me as someone who cares.

I wish you all the best of luck.

I am always and forever rooting for you.

PS. Maybe I’ll start watching Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure. Just maybe.

Posted on by Regalado, Bonnie · 1 Comment

Learning and Evolving.

As I get closer to my goal of becoming an Educator, I find myself coming into terms that I am also a student myself. I am just as frustrated, just as confused, just as unheard and misunderstood. Teachers are often envisioned as this beacon of knowledge, someone who should have and know all the answers. Yet, I find myself asking more and more questions:

What can I do to connect with my students?

How can I create lesson plans which fit my students’ narrative?

How do I avoid taking things personal?

Am I a good teacher? 

I have met students who have solidified my calling to be the sole teacher in the classroom, but I have also met some that have crushed my feelings and have led me to question my ability as a teacher. At times, it's even difficult being the only adult in the room because you always have to be the bigger person, even when your authority and your respect is being thrown out the window. 
This also points out another issue to question, if children can do that to me? What kind of emotions can adults invoke onto children through hurtful comments? Are these children just mirroring something they see in their homes? In their neighborhoods? I struggle with the thought of being incapable of connecting with my students and being a disservice to them in a way they view society.

Although I constantly worry, and can be drowning in fear, it only means I care. It means I genuinely empathize with my students and want the best for them, even when they feel that I don’t. I push them because I know they can be better versions of themselves.

Posted on by Regalado, Bonnie

Ok.

I haven't gotten the urge to write out my feelings without masking it into poetry.  Someone reading my poetry can analyze it and gain something different each time without fully grasping the feelings I felt when I put my words together. These feelings remain a mystery unless someone asks what inspired me. An advice I commonly give to others is to write out their feelings, especially when they are feeling defeated. Now, it's time I follow my own: 

It's true, for the longest I have tried to convince myself that I am far from withholding a mentality where I depend on others for my happiness. In fact, I very much do. I haven't felt entirely happy for a long time, and to be honest, finding happiness seems almost impossible to me. I have this deeply rooted belief in my mind that someone will one day change how I feel. Someone who will see my worth more than I see my own. This has led me to be vulnerable to those who are undeserving of my company. It has introduced me to men who build me up, just to break me down. I sit here and wait for this unknown person to come and somehow save me from these dark feelings. Only to grow older and lonelier, become more and more insecure and to continuously look at myself in the mirror and loathe what I see. It's not okay. I am not okay.

I love others more than I love myself. I am a flawed person.
Posted on by Regalado, Bonnie

Changes.

A lump in my throat, as these changes pave their way.
Trying to capture each bit, but they slip through my fingertips.

Eyes shut, I am scared.
A strength I am not sure I can acquire.

I'll never know what life has to offer,
if I allow my dismay to ground me.

I long for change, the same way I fear it.
Growing comfortable in a mundane routine,
full of lifeless experiences.
Redundant features and grey areas.

Let it dawn on me, this change.
It'll guide me to the places and things
I'd like to see.

My heart sinks.
Yes, I fear.
An uncertain dreamer,
wandering.


Changes, don't break me but
enlighten
me.
Posted on by Regalado, Bonnie

Unimpressed.

I was taught to aim for perfection.
Through those inconveniences,
remain beautiful and collective.
As if expression and standing up for what I believe,
is repulsive for a woman like me.

Repress my thoughts and beliefs, for you?
Do I make you feel uncomfortable?
When you see my head up high, while you drag your feet.
How does the ground look?
As you follow these footsteps you'll never catch up to.

My intelligence matches yours; better yet, surpasses it.
The words coming out of your mouth are meaningless
and redundant.
Sit down, it suits you better.
Posted on by Regalado, Bonnie

Art.

An image of:
       Strength.
              Resilience.
                      Determination.
                                 Stern Words.
                                           Assertiveness.
                                                          A Story.

I think of the woman, who once was.
Before life made her tough.
            
            An Aroma of Downey.
                            Smooth Hands.
                                    Chubby Waist.
                                                 A student.

Still learning.
The woman who sat with me,
listening to me read.
A language foreign to both,
a familiar bond.
I wonder if she thinks of those times too?
The times life wasn't unfair and crude to her.
The times I still cherish.
The love I have for literature, because of her.

Just like art, so is she.